Botox for the soul

We all develop wrinkles as we grow older but our lives also wrinkle up as we push things under the carpet and try to ignore them. I believe that God wants us to have a life free from wrinkles where nothing is hidden or ignored. Botox is amazing stuff it relaxes the muscles and allows the frown lines to be smoothed away. We need Botox for our souls - freely available at a church near you - but just like the real stuff you will need repeat prescriptions as the frown lines soon develop again!

Is this analogy getting too complicated!!

Shaking Steven

It stands like a white tower of hope
In a flat landscape
Installed in 1999
At a time when we needed direction
and belief
Each blade rotating at 160mph
converting the kinetic energy of air
into electricity for consumption
no carbon emissions here
no fossil fuels
just raw, vibrating gaseous molecules
driven by the sun into a frenzy of activity
the views were amazing
the climb exhausting
the capacity - 1.5MW - enough
for 1,100 homes
and I've called it Steven

Magicians

There is always a good feeling when you are faced by mortal danger and somehow you reach deep down into the hat and - lo and behold - you pull a rabbit out by its ears. Fabulous news! Except not good for the poor rabbit as you will see from the recommended way to remove a rabbit from the hat is as follows...

STEP 1: Place one hand under your rabbit's chest and the other hand under its back legs.
STEP 2: Pull the rabbit up to your chest.
STEP 3: Hold the rabbit with one hand under its back end and the other on its neck.
STEP 4: Pull the rabbit into your chest if it starts squirming.
STEP 5: Treat your rabbit gently - do not hit or tease your pet. Bad treatment can make your rabbit aggressive and mean

I particularly like number 5 which can be applied to humans as well of course

An Inspector Calls

Here he comes - mean, ruthless, efficient and very scary. Instilling fear and trepidation into the school community - and he's coming to a school near you, very soon. So get out the battle plans, dig the trenches and brief the artillery. Break open the gas masks and buy in a good supply of suppositories.

Am I over-reacting?

Seek and ye shall not find

It always comes as a bit of a shock when someone you speak to very rarely phones you up to tell you there is a rare bird on your doorstep - in fact 21 of them. And here it is -The Waxwing. The birds were flying around Bowthorpe gobbling every rowan berry in sight. By the time I arrived they had eaten their fill and had moved off. I cycled here, I cycled there, I cycled everywhere. I could now draw a fairly accurate map of the Cloverhill estate.

But not a waxwing to be found!

Grumpy Old Man

After a week away from Computer Land we return to screens, playstations and mobile phones. Screens, screens and yet more screens. I always view our February break in the Yorkshire Dales as an opportunity to escape from technology. The mobile signals are still weak and intermittent and unless we take it, the children have no access to a playstation. So what do they do the poor neglected creatures? Are they bored and restless with withdrawal symptoms.

Well, yes they are to some extend. We usually meet up with old friends from Yorkshire and often have people to stay over i the cottage we rent. This year as soon as everyone had left Jack and Ben appeared bereft of ideas and imagination. No electronic gadgets to occupy the waking hours. It took them a while to return to being just children.

We climbed hills ( scene from near the top of Ingleborough in photo), ate in the pub, played card and board games, whittled spears and bows, knitted scarves and played badminton in the street. They had a lovely time!

Is the latest report on the poor state of our children true? I suspect there is a lot of truth in it and I place the blame firmly on electronic gadgets ....... and peer pressure of course!

we've arrived!

Well despite dire weather warnings, snow and sleet, windscreen wipers which worked intermittently we finally arrived in West Yorkshire at 9.30pm.

I have rarely had a more unpleasant journey. But what I want to know is......What was everyone else doing out on the road - had they not read the news, listened to the radio and watched the TV.

Ironically you need a certain volume of traffic to keep roads open in snowy conditions as it prevents the snow settling.

I should have packed the sledge

Ho Hum

So much promise!

Well here it is. The fiddle I borrowed at Christmas with a view to buying it for a friend. It looks the part, its got quality dominant strings and a new bridge. But it sounds bloody awful. In fact its crap and the person that made it should have used it for kindling at the first opportunity. I assume its been crap all its miserable life and has somehow survived the ravages of numerous owners. Perhaps I will see it on ebay soon with ' for sale antique violin, mellow sound, good for the beginner.'

How many times in life does something look good but not deliver - luckily not too often which either reflects my cynical approach to everything OR I am eternally optimistic with low standards.

I need a holiday

I'm going to get out my Tim Philips infidel ( my own jawgus - apparently this is text language for gorgeous, violin) and launch into a couple of reels just to get this awful fiddle out of my system!

Frozen solid

I nicked this photo from some guy in Utah - I hope he doesn't mind!

I went to check the rabbit's water this evening which will soon be frozen solid. It makes me wonder how animals and birds survive really cold snaps when there is no available water and the term 'cold desert' really comes into its own. The issue of keeping warm comes a fraction higher on the list than finding suitable drinking water. I suppose I'll have to smash the ice up for the chickens in the morning as well. Maybe I should get a microwave installed in the garden and train the chickens to use it for just such as eventuality. Nah - that's just being stupid. I'll continue being a responsible pet owner and keep putting out fresh water. I heard about a woman who put her boyfriend's cat into washing machine because they had broken up. Needless to say the cat died. Funnily enough I had noticed how dependent our cats suddenly become if there is any kind of argument brewing in the house!

Paranoid

It started when some boys came in to tell me about an injured gull on the school field. I carried said bird amongst much pecking inside and rang the RSPB who collected it. I washed my hands and ate my lunch. Later that day I shut the chickens away for the night, washed my hands and ate my tea. This evening on the news I hear about 160,000 turkeys being slaughtered because of an H5N1 outbreak in Suffolk. I remember that Suffolk is very close - and wash my hands again just to be sure.

Good graffiti

I was in the Cathedral refectory yesterday on a school visit when I felt the urge to visit the toilets where to my astonishment I found a rather lovely piece of graffiti. Its a little unclear but the words 'JOLLY GOOD' appear under the sign. I have always maintained the right to stick two fingers up to authority and still do frequently but I think its important to do it in style.

Good on ya

Surprise surprise

It's just not fair. The door bell rings and you go to answer it and there standing in front of you is someone you know but you're not quite ready for them. The face contorts as you try to find a neutral visage to present and a thousand emotions shimmer across your facial muscles. A split second later you smile in friendly acknowledgement and invite the person in.
On this occasion Bev's surprise is not that Cilla Black is standing on his doorstep but more that whilst he was expecting me, he wasn't expecting me to be wielding a camera. As we age we become more cynical in our relationships with others. We compartmentalize our lives and have different personas for each part. Each one a different face and finding that face can take a few seconds.

I went out for a delightful meal last night with friends I know well. Friends that I no longer have to find that neutral face for, friends that accept me as I am complete with faults as well as something to offer. I know that Jesus never ever had to find that neutral face, his is always one of acceptance and openness.